i really dont wish to be so persistant...but theres a reason why, i told u
i am really fighting hard for it.

but i really, really dont wanna jeopardise our friendship, already fragile, i can say from this experience.

as much as i hate to say this, i duno if we even can be friends if things dont go well, i just cant bear the sight of u not beside me.
and it would bring just too much pain and memories, definitely for both of us.
it doesnt mean i dont treasure this friendship, but i just think it would be too painful.

u dont have to feel bad, u can make me feel better too, if you would just bless me with the chance i so desperately need.

i know ur stressed over this, and u have a test coming up, go ahead and take ur time, because i think, this is the last time, and i need it to be thoroughly thought through, once, twice, thrice even, because i really need this, i really need you.

i am too, at my wits end, all i can do is just wait it out and hear the results.

i think, i am prepared.
for better or for worse...

already too depressed to think of anything else...don't have the mood to do anything at all, studies...my health...even doing 1 of my favourite activities, gaming, i just dont have the mood to continue on.

my stomach is growling..but i have no appetite, i tried to eat, i end up vomitting them out, it isnt voluntary, i aint anoxeric, my mind is just too clogged up to have any appetite.

studies? how to study when i yawn all the time and dose off unnoticingly? because i cant sleep, i roll around for hours on end, trying my best to stop thinking and just go to sleep, but the mind...is a really strong foe.

it may seem very painful to have to go through all this, but its something i brought upon myself, for falling in too deep, so if ur reading this, please, dont feel bad, u certainly deserve better. this pain..is all mine, no one elses, just mine =)..

Labels: painbearer of all, with no regrets at all