When things are thought to end in cinderella story style endings, they didnt.

guys, dont ever be too persistant in love, especially if she doesnt requite ur love, because it shows that she just doesnt have the capacity to hold u in her heart.

Any further is just gonna hurt her and push her even further away from u.

Sad to say, i've given up, but its for the sake of both of us, depression isnt fun, had been in depression from monday till thursday, it was absolutely the worst period of my life, i was extremely tired, but 90% of the time i can't fall asleep, i was bloody hungry my stomach was constantly growling, but i dont have any appetite, i went through wednesday with onli a cheese bun in my stomach, the rest were vomitted out.

after a long hard cry and thought, i finally accepted the truth that is being placed infront of me, for so long i didnt wanna accept that, but now i dont have a choice anymore, i gotta accept it, as a last sign of love for her, i have to quit making her sad.

and i wrote this
well i wont name her
onli few know who she is though, which will be a closely guarded secret
here goes

------------------------------------------

this is probably, gonna be the last thing
you will hear from me ever again.

i just need you to listen.

i am so sorry
sorry for everything that happened
sorry for causing so much grief
sorry for giving you my number on that day
sorry for asking for your email
sorry for talking to you
sorry for getting to know you
sorry for falling in love with you

i think this is it..
i dont really have anymore to say

because, whats there to be said,
and whats there to be done
i've already done it all

i dont know what to do now anymore
what to do with my life too
because i have been living this past year
for you
to get to know you
to share my happiness with you
to be there when you need support
to be there when you need a crying shoulder

since your decision is this
i have no further right to try to
convince you otherwise anymore

you want me to forget you?
fine, i will

you want me to give up?
fine..my heart just died

maybe we just aren't fated to be together
because things just keep going awry

做不成情侶, 我什麼都不要, 應為看不見你在我身旁實在是太痛苦了
不只我痛苦, 我相信你看見我傷心, 你也會心痛.
雖然我們這一世沒有緣分, 但我希望, 我們下一世會有多一點緣分, 能夠在向見

goodbye, i am gonna disappear from your life now.
i don't think you will hear from me again.
its gonna be hard, but i will try, i know thats wat you want.
you dont have to avoid me.
i do treasure our relationship, but its just too painful to carry on,
not just you, but the both of us.

please dont be sad, ok?
if anyone is to be sad its me
i brought this upon myself.
the sadness is my own burden, mine and mine alone
nobody elses, especially not you.

take care of yourself, buck up and finish your studies, do what you love most, and don't fall sick so easily ok?

live free, let nobody stop you and convince you otherwise

and most importantly..

live your life with no regrets, live it knowing that you haven't made any wrong decisions, no matter what others say.

i love you
i really do..
really do love you very very much

that is why i am willing to do this.
i want the pain to stop, for both of us.

goodbye
my sweet
goodbye...

--------------------------------------------

yeps..i spent a good 2 hard hours of crying and thinking to write that.
because i had to keep telling myself, its over, i shouldn't be selfish, i shouldn't have any regrets.

sad to say, there are too many things in this world that would remind me of this incident, including this blog, i am probably gonna leave this blog as it is, and never blog again, even if i were to blog i would start a brand new one, afterall i started blogging because she did.

Time to pick my life up from where i left it off...over a year ago.

Goodbye my love
Goodbye everyone.



i really dont wish to be so persistant...but theres a reason why, i told u
i am really fighting hard for it.

but i really, really dont wanna jeopardise our friendship, already fragile, i can say from this experience.

as much as i hate to say this, i duno if we even can be friends if things dont go well, i just cant bear the sight of u not beside me.
and it would bring just too much pain and memories, definitely for both of us.
it doesnt mean i dont treasure this friendship, but i just think it would be too painful.

u dont have to feel bad, u can make me feel better too, if you would just bless me with the chance i so desperately need.

i know ur stressed over this, and u have a test coming up, go ahead and take ur time, because i think, this is the last time, and i need it to be thoroughly thought through, once, twice, thrice even, because i really need this, i really need you.

i am too, at my wits end, all i can do is just wait it out and hear the results.

i think, i am prepared.
for better or for worse...

already too depressed to think of anything else...don't have the mood to do anything at all, studies...my health...even doing 1 of my favourite activities, gaming, i just dont have the mood to continue on.

my stomach is growling..but i have no appetite, i tried to eat, i end up vomitting them out, it isnt voluntary, i aint anoxeric, my mind is just too clogged up to have any appetite.

studies? how to study when i yawn all the time and dose off unnoticingly? because i cant sleep, i roll around for hours on end, trying my best to stop thinking and just go to sleep, but the mind...is a really strong foe.

it may seem very painful to have to go through all this, but its something i brought upon myself, for falling in too deep, so if ur reading this, please, dont feel bad, u certainly deserve better. this pain..is all mine, no one elses, just mine =)..

Labels: painbearer of all, with no regrets at all

started playing WoW, funny story about getting a copy of it, but i have no mood to say.

something really really devastating happened to me....am kinda going into depression again..


hais...i just wish you could see the true side of me...just once...
i dont wanna jeopardise our friendship...i really dont.

Sighs....just full of sighs....



Hahas, i just love to put smiles back on people's faces, especially hers.

Something really bad and ugly happened to her, things seemed real bad and she sounded realllly pissed, despite my efforts to try to comfort her, she didnt budge.

But i persisted and it paid off.

To see and hear that "Hahas" from her is like striking the lottery, because deep down i know..i have done my job. =))

Smile always my sweet, its what makes you so so beautiful and lovely! =))

Hehes..thats why i love to help...

Labels: Smile always...=))

supposed to be wednesday, 30th.

then it was next wednesday, 7th.

then now...its probably on another wednesday, 14th.

Its the wait, i duno how long more do i actually need to wait.

i didn't mean to say i thought ur lying..it just slipped out, try putting urself in my shoes and think about it...can things really be that accurate?

But now i understand why.
So sorry, so very sorry..

I aint angry, i can't get angry at you, its not my liberty to.

All i am gonna do now is pray, that no more evil teachers or coaches would steal u away on 14th!

Its only 2 weeks

Labels: numb

sick!

woke up today with a sore sore throat, with lots of phlegm, and also a blocked and runny nose, i am guessing next is fever..."cant wait" to take MC...doh

tiring and boring day..during my gems the teacher showed a national geographics video on Hackers, and i fell asleep, and the teacher is like so sloppy...disgusting.

hope i recover in time though.



Been blogging everyday, somebody say i nv update, haha!

so...BIG update! i changed my skin! FINALLY! after like.......ummmm...i lost count!
Chose a simple and minimalistic design 1 lah, and basically didnt edit anything besides text alignment and adding another section for my imeem player. Dont have pics to add in cos i dont have pics of myself...would be grotesquely ugly anyways, thats why i dont have photos of myself on the net.

went to plaza sing to meet a friend to pass him some drum equipments he needs for recording, was bloody shocked lah, cos its the first time i met him, and hes a paraplegic....wheelchair bound in short...and to think i asked him to go all the way to jurong east mrt to return them, instead i told him meet dhoby ghaut tml.

so....going to brave the sunday crowds tml again..somemore its to town area..sigh.

Am i being too kind sometimes?...i think i am..but i just hope my kindness wont just go down the drain and be forgotten...

After that, i found out bell is at city hall! i tried to go find her, but she disappeared further to north bridge road? and beach road? alamak...i am road idiot lehh, i gave up, then instead i walked around suntec...marina...and i saw the sg flyer.
I wanted to go see it up close, cos it looked really nearby only, but then after quite awhile of walking, it wasn't getting much bigger(meaning its not really that near), and at the risk of getting lost, i gave up, backtracked and took the mrt back home, luckily i secured a seat on the long mrt ride from city hall back to cck =)

hais...and later..i found out something that really kinda like stabbed me in a way..wont ever say anyways so..dont bother asking.

just felt a little disturbed.

Labels: i really wonder..